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 Post subject: The Confession Booth
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 12:13 am 
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Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2004 10:46 pm
Posts: 736
Location: S.E Melbourne
Dear All

Even though the pain has dulled, and the knuckles may have healed. Perhaps to become a repository of what-not-to-do-under-any-circumstances, and who knows, even A Sticky :P, anyone want to join me in a cleansing, non-judgmental confession to any stupid/expensive mistakes that you - oh, right, your 'mate' - have made (over and above letting the timing chain tensioner pop out :evil: ) while ?fixing? your car?

From a vast repertoir collected over many years of learning the hard way:

1. I lay on my back on knobbly concrete in winter in Canberra until 3am one morning replacing a slipping clutch with another that I ?figured? :oops: was ok. Needless to say I was back on the concrete for another session, after spending a couple of days pissing fellow motorists off as I worked my way through the gears to a terminal velocity of some 30mph at 5000rpm.

I learned always to use a new &%&i"?^%$ clutch and never to bolt the flywheel onto the engine while it is in the car (no, I don't know why the flywheel was off :evil: :evil: , but after 30 minutes of arm-numbing torture which reduced me to sobs, I got the %^$? back on). I learned if there happens to be a lump of sh*t directly above your head, and you look at it while you're sobbing and holding a flywheel, it'll fall right in your eye.

2. While experimentally stripping a head I tried to remove the brass? water outlet elbow by 'unscrewing' it with my trusty 12" shifter. Having snapped it off at the base, undeterred and ingenious as ever, I dropped (cycled, I guess :x ) in to Repco and bought the biggest fu&k-off ezy-out they had. I applied said e-o in conjunction wit' trusty shifter*? and was rewarded with a satisfying crack as the elbow stub gave way. Well I was hoping that it was the elbow stub that had given way. But no, it was the head. Better get another one of them then, I thought.

* No, I can't remember if I used WD40, applied heat, tapped it with a hammer or if I did, indeed, possess a workshop manual.
? My natural instinct to resort to undue force was not tempered then by many years of bitter, forehead-slapping experience.

3. My mate Duncan dropped round one w/e to our place, where I was working on my nonamebrand XJ6, in order to do a 'service' on his nonamebrand Golf GTI. He had bought a whole lot of parts from Halfords (Ok, this is a UK story - couldn't have been about Datsuns). Now Duncan was no mechanic, even by my modest standards, so it was unsurprising that, amongst the assembled purchases - Dizzy cap, spark plugs, leads, filters, oil etc. the only thing that would fit was the oil/filter. And yes, he had a nasty suspicion that his was a Bosch injection system (It did say so, after all, in fairly large writing on the Bosch Injection System under the bonnet).

Anyway, Duncan consoles himself with the possibility that he may be able to adapt the spark plug leads(:!:). After he has F&cked them up he gets busy draining the oil into a 5 litre container and changing the filter. At least the oil is top quality and should be good for the car, eh Neil? Not a total loss, he says. A while later he comes over, having just poured all five litres into the engine; a dry dipstick in his hand and a slightly anxious edge to his voice ........ 'You did put the drain plug back in, didn't you Duncan?', I say, even as the first viscous trickle of nonamebrand Magnatec impinges on my peripheral vision. 'Aaaaaaargh', says Duncan looking at his car. 'Aaaaraaagh', says me, looking at 'my' (rented) bitumen driveway.

I learned how completely hopeless Duncan was. I learned never to let anyone called Duncan remotely near your car. I learned that attempting to burn an oil slick off a bitumen driveway produces a scorch mark that would do justice to a Titan III :shock:.

Yep. Thats much better. Thanks Father. Amen.

Cheers, Neil.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 12:53 am 
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Joined: Sun May 02, 2004 8:55 pm
Posts: 574
Location: Perth WA
I didn't realise this thread would be such comic relief!

Um..... Don't try to start the car with it in gear and foot off the clutch.

There you go, my contribution ;)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 7:23 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 05, 2003 8:46 am
Posts: 392
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Many moons ago, when I was young and dumb (as opposed to old & dumb!) I was helping a good mate who shall remain nameless (you owe me, pal!) in fixing his A12.

In the course of rebuilding his engine, he'd managed to strip one of the rocker shaft bolt holes in the head. So not having any helicoils, or money with which to buy any, he'd decided to drill out the hole and re-tap it to the next bolt size up. :? This included enlarging the hole in the rocker shaft to accomodate the bigger diameter bolt.

So I roll on up to his place, and there he is in the driveway with an electric hand drill in one hand and a HARDENED steel rocker shaft with one rocker still on it in the other. No vise or clamps or anything like that. :shock:

He starts to drill out the hole in the rocker shaft. The drill bit bites. :roll: The rocker shaft flies out of his hand and the remaining rocker slingshots about 10mm past my left ear at about mach 3 on its way into low earth orbit. :evil:

Had I been standing slightly to my left, the rocker'd have made a great impression in my forehead (many people think this would be a great improvement to my appearance, but I hasten to point out to them that "You can't polish a turd!" :wink: ).

Never did find the rocker. :?

Cheers,

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 8:14 am 
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Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 9:17 am
Posts: 807
Location: Covington,Wa USA
I have 3 Moron mistakes

I would replace my clutch ever yr on my beater 510 ,slipping. Only to realized the the disk wasnt wearing(flat surface)out but flywheel was bad. Replaced flywheel has been good for yrs!

My second was removing the brake master cylinder lines and turning the nut the wrong way, Lefty Loosey. Well if if turned downside UP!!

Installed wrong T/O bearing from part store. Did not ck to see if the same.
Drop the trans again!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 10:01 am 
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Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2004 10:46 pm
Posts: 736
Location: S.E Melbourne
Tazholio said:
Quote:
Um..... Don't try to start the car with it in gear and foot off the clutch.
.... sometimes, eg when your clutch master cylinder has sheared off the firewall :evil: (yes, in a nonamebrand Corolla), and you are trying to cross a dual carriageway whilst towing a trailer, thats EXACTLY what you have to do. :lol:

I just remembered another thing about Duncan .... he rounded off that entire session by trying to replace the bulb in his repeater flasher..... managed to dislodge the back of the housing so that it fell off and disappeared INSIDE his front guard. After spending a considerable amount of time trying to retrieve it with various pointy implements, he gave up and drove off with his teeth clenched in a rather alarming grin.
By my reckoning Dunc had blown about 50 quid, driven 60 miles, wasted the best part of a beautiful summers day, ruined 'my' driveway and stuffed one of his indicators. BUT, he did manage to change the oil filter and replace his oil at the second attempt (with some no-name stuff from the local supermarket). So who says doing it yourself doesn't pay? :roll:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 12:53 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2003 10:18 am
Posts: 749
Location: sydney
My hard learnt lesson is ALWAYS change the rear main seal when changing a clutch. :oops:

After replacing the clutch on our Pulsar GTiR, starting it up, everything was sweet, clutch felt good until I looked under the car and saw a steady drip of oil from the bellhousing! (There was no leak at all before the clutch change, seal looked fine, was careful not to damage it etc etc) ARGGHHH!!! :evil: :evil: :x :x
anyone who has changed a clutch on one of these cars knows that having to do the job over again is extrememly frustrating to say the least :evil: :evil: :x :x

Now I will not refit any flywheel without changing the rear main no matter what!

_________________
1971 Datsun P510 SR20DET 276 rwkW
2005 Mercedes AMG E55 350 kW
1969 Datsun P510 L20B EFI 95 rwkW
1975 Ford XB Fairmont GS Wagon 179rwhp
1980 Escort Van SR20DET unfinished
2002 Suzuki GSX1300R Hayabusa 185hp


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 2:18 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2003 3:00 pm
Posts: 377
Location: Darwin. Home of the Rice Car ShitHeap Lancer/Excel and really gay numberplates.
this one time, at band camp......


I was a *little* bit trashed after sinking a few longnecks, what with the Hard Earned thirst I'd developed replacing a head gasket and associated turbo gear. Having come back from a gentle spin around the block and up through the bottlo', I waited patiently for the engine to cool back down, savouring the icy cold beveredges to pass the time before retorquing the head bolts.
With the engine cooled down, i grabbed the torque wrench and a 12mm socket, wound up the dial to 78nm and was shocked to find the head bolts so loose. I kept tightening until I felt that god awful loss of torque where the bolt snaps. :shock: I freaked out. Only to find Id been tightening the camshaft tower cap bolts instead of the head. 78nm....they only needed 12nm. Jeez louise. No wonder I could of sworn the head bolts were 14mm when i did em up the first time. :roll:

Also, dropped the tensioner twice, filled up oil sans sump plug twice,...stacked into tree, reversed into a tree, ran over a tree and pulled down a tree (damn trees), started with the car in gear and got stuck on.... a tree.........stump (karma eh?). Had to get a damn tow truck to lift me off (embarrassing, yes) got busted driving on my L's....on my own:

"License please sir" 8)
(pause as orificer/cuntstubble looks at license)
"Wheres your accompanying licensed driver"? :evil:
(i look to my left pretending to be shocked and dismayed) "Why hes right here..what the..he was just...where did he...hey....he was right here" :shock:
So thats why im still on my P's...at 25.
Also my mum once pointed out that my missus must have left her hair tie in the back seat. Next to a dildo. (oh..my..god......embarrassment). I never told my missus. :oops:

Opened the passenger door so an orificer/cuntstubble could complete his roadworthy spot check in the middle of Chapel St, only to have about fifteen empty beer cans/bottles fall out on the road. :shock: Errrrrrrrr. Canary.
"They're not mine"
:lol:

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Cheers,

Aaron


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 2:53 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 24, 2003 1:02 pm
Posts: 75
Location: Warrimoo, NSW, Australia
LOL these are great stories, so much so that mine will appear pitifuly dull in comparison, but here goes....

Forgive me father, for my L26 engine pinged

I removed the water pump...
why did you do that son?
because i had to remove the engine front cover...
pray tell why?
because I had to reseat the the timing chain tensioner (yes this story goes beyond the damn tensioner)...
continue
I let it pop out when adjusting the cam timing...
oh deary me
you see the previous owner had done a bad job with the cam timing and with installing the oil pump/distributor drive out of whack.

Well I put it all back together and whilst tightening one of the longer bolts that holds the water pump on, I snapped it :( - removed the water pump and discovered that where it snapped was right inside the threaded hole - now without the knowledge at the time of a way to remove the bolt I put the cover back on - less one bolt.

son in order to repent of your ways, you will need to top up your coolant fluid 20 times in the next 8 weeks

three months later?.

I decided that the L26 was a lost cause (as it was now blowing billows of white smoke) and pulled it out replacing it with an L28 ? got the head re-conditioned & whilst putting it back on again I????.. let the chain tensioner pop out again :( ?.. same ordeal ? off with the front cover ? fix tensioner, back on with front cover ? tighten water pump bolts ? remembering to go easy on the long bolt, and?.. snap! This time I could easily unscrew the broken end of the bolt from the hole & replaced it with one from the wreckers? just a little more than finger tight this time :)

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 3:14 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2003 3:00 pm
Posts: 377
Location: Darwin. Home of the Rice Car ShitHeap Lancer/Excel and really gay numberplates.
hahahahah! thats hilarious :lol: :lol:
Same thing happened to me, broke the really long bolt for the water pump/timing cover on the dizzy side. Pumped it full of RTV, then squished the broken bolt head in. Looked good! Worked good!

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Cheers,

Aaron


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 4:33 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 25, 2003 6:54 pm
Posts: 2435
Location: In my Den of Rust & Sin
Hahaha...
Very funny storys guys...
Hmmm... Should I make it a 'Sticky'...

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 5:31 pm 
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Posts: 392
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Quote:
Hmmm... Should I make it a 'Sticky'...
YES!

Regular confession is good for the Soul, Brother! :twisted:

Cheers,

_________________
Chris [;-{)>


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 5:42 pm 
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Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2004 4:27 pm
Posts: 341
Location: Wollongong
Well, one time i said that drifters had skill
Sacrilege!
Yeah, but.. some of them
NEVER!
Oh well...
*walks out to backyard and looks at 'old rally car*
Hmmm...

Sorry folks. That was some bad e-manners back then. I'm open minded now :P

PS This e-confession thing works out great!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 7:12 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2004 10:46 pm
Posts: 736
Location: S.E Melbourne
Hey fr3ak .... I know the feeling. Everyones prepared to forgive and forget tho, (I think).

Like the stories guys ..... keep 'em coming. Has ANYONE ever had any success with an esy-out, I wonder? I know I never have ... tried to start a poll on the subject last night but lost it in 'magnetic heven' (how appropriate!) somehow. Cause I reckon they are the greatest con since those rubber strips you are supposed to hang from your rear bumper (Wish I'd invented them!).

am3037:
Quote:
Only to find Id been tightening the camshaft tower cap bolts instead of the head. 78nm....they only needed 12nm.
- :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: never thought of that one! Priceless!

ahem, sorry brothers, couldn't help it. Cough. Of course, this is a broad church where we remove our shoes and tread carefully lest we offend our fellow repenters. :oops:

Hey RobH :lol: I reckon you wimped out on that third tightenng!! Ahem.
ChrisG :lol: Ahem.

Yep, the sickening feeling of an bolt crapping itself at the other end of the sidchrome ratchet..... Did it to a sump bolt once... ended up replacing the whole gasket with the engine in situ. Try that one. :(


Cheers, Neil.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 7:19 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 02, 2004 8:55 pm
Posts: 574
Location: Perth WA
sounds like you've got a monstor furball in your throat neil!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 7:27 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 9:35 pm
Posts: 302
Location: Sunshine Coast
Ok, these aren't from me, but from some dodgy mechanics i used to work with

1 guy had over tightened a front strut tower bolt and sheered it...so what does he do? super glues the snapped bit back on!...Looks good!...omg

Another guy was popping a caliper piston out, and well, lets just say he didn't check where his fingers were when he hit the airgun...crushed his thumb, nasty.

another guy put a wheel on, but didn't tighten the bolts and he was taken off that job and another guy put on, saw the wheel was on, wasn't told of the loose bolts, takes her for a test drive and half way around a corner, the arse end sits right down as the wheel comes off and over takes the car.

I've got more but thats for another day :roll:

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